Of Instances and Mishaps
by Lady Zadea
Summary: They say first impressions are ever lasting…yeah. Do you ever get the feeling that you are the butt of a Cosmic Joke? Co-authored by emmaren and Lady Scheherazadea for Dokuga's Collaborators Group.


**Disclaimer:** InuYasha belongs to: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Media, Shogakukan, Sunrise, Yumiuri TV and the other foreign manga rights companies.

Title: Of Instances and Mishaps

Authors: Lady Scheherazadea and emmaren

Rating: M

Universe: Alternate

Words: 5,000

Warnings: Some language and anatomy description

Theme: 'In the beginning' prompt for Dokuga's collaborators group.

Summary: They say first impressions are ever lasting…yeah. Do you ever get the feeling that you are the butt of a Cosmic Joke?

Of Instances and Mishaps

"In the beginning, I found your mother hot. In fact, she was on fire."

********

Whoever said that first impressions were everything, had never met Kagome. For while she was an incredible person, one that anyone would want to claim at least friendship with, the only thing that out did her personality was her knack for making the worst first impression possible.

Kagome was in the kitchen of her best friend's manor, really it was his father's, trying to boil water for tea. It was when she reached across the open flame to set the timer, because while a watched kettle does not boil a timed one boils faster, when she managed to set her shirt aflame.

Frantic cries were all the Sesshoumaru heard while he made his way to the kitchen. Most heavy in the air was the stench of burning cotton, but under laden was the feminine scent that had permeated his father's estate suggesting that the owner of the scent was a frequent visitor. He had also noted that her scent was not inlaid into any of the rooms upstairs, curious. Now burning hair was added to the bouquet of scents.

The sight that greeted his eyes was one that was completely unexpected. If he had been a lesser being, he would have erupted with laughter, of course after he had helped out the overcooked young lady that currently flailed about on the ground.

In her frenzy, she suddenly felt an overwhelming wetness dampen her entire body. Frantically she felt and looked around her body to make sure the flames were extinguished. Taking a deep calming and reassuring breathe after realizing she was no longer afire, she then looked around to see who her savior was. Upon locking eyes with her rescuer and taking in his insinuating countenance as he held the protracting spigot, her face instantly flamed red.

"Girl, as tempting as it is…" Sesshoumaru said as he gazed lingeringly at the wet cloth clinging to her body, "I must decline your offer. It is interesting, this Sesshoumaru has experienced women throwing themselves at him in a variety of ways but none going so far as to set themselves on fire to gain his attention."

In her peripheral, she could see her unruly singed hair sticking out to the side. She knew she made the perfect picture of a drowned cat. Her cheeks had been flushed from the exertion of trying to put out the flame, now they burned with embarrassment as she stared up at a living "Adonis."

Struggling to her feet, she tried to regain any shred of dignity she had left. However, Kagome failed to notice the breeze that now graced her front.

"I have no idea the type of women you associate with, but how can you be so self centered that you would believe someone would set them self on fire just to gain your attention?"

Sesshoumaru watched with an unchanging expression as the chard blouse shifted to expose a see through lace bra. He became transfixed as the tawny peaks shrouded in lace tightened further in the cool air of the kitchen.

"Hello," Kagome stomped her foot in frustration. "I asked you a question."

The mound of soft flesh jiggled so nicely within its lace prison. True the girl was talking, but whatever she was saying could not be nearly as intriguing as the tawny buds playing against heart patterns of the lace.

"Is that?" Kagome squinted her eyes to make sure of what she was seeing. "It is. You're… you're drooling!"

Sesshoumaru snapped his eyes up to her and said, "Your vision is obviously failing you," and using his demonic speed, he wiped away the aberrant dribble.

Kagome drew her brows together in confusion, "I don't know how you did that but you certainly were drooling." She raised a finger to his shirt where his salivation left its mark, "Why is your shirt wet?" She said with a condemning tone.

Sesshoumaru, dignity denied and unable to answer, did what most would do when the heat in the kitchen had become too unbearable. He fled, of course, not to appear as if he were running away, he sauntered away as if completely unaffected.

****

Three sheets to the wind, six sheets to the wind, what was the difference? How did one go from three to six? Kagome pondered this as she felt the burn of the last shot moving towards her stomach.

The ceremony had been wonderful, beautiful, and completely satisfying. She was now a college graduate and drunk. The raven-haired girl looked towards her silver-haired friend wondering how she was going to get home, when she realized that the silver hair did not belong to her friend. No, it was the famed older brother that she had not seen since she had done her impression of a human Baked Alaska.

'_The arrogant, self-centered son of a … Yes, __**that**__ is what he is._' Kagome stumbled over to the statue of a man. Pulling his hair to get his attention, she paid no mind to the narrowing of his hypnotic golden orbs. "You, Sess.. Sessho… Sess a maroon, are nothing but a dog." Her head nodded emphatically with her statement.

Sesshoumaru looked down at the individual who rudely tugged on his locks and insulted him. Though, it really wasn't an insult because he really was a dog, the accuser was just ignorant of that fact. Gazing at the offending appendage, he contemplated severing said appendage from the dainty wrist it happened to be connected to. As his gaze traveled up the length of the arm, he cast his stare upon the face of the imprudent being that dared to touch him without his express permission. After looking her over, he confirmed that the individual who held his hair in her grasp was the foolish girl that managed to ignite herself in his father's kitchen and noting her tittering composure and slurred speech, he confirmed that she was completely inebriated. '_Interesting_.'

Narrowing his eyes at her he said, "Girl, remove your hand at once."

"Or you'll what? Bite me, ha!" Kagome became slightly distracted by the luxurious texture of the silken strands within her grasp. "I'll have you know that the polite thing to do when you come upon someone on fire is to ask them how they are, **not** accuse them of trying to sleep with you. You French Poodle!!!"

The girl was going too far. It had been one thing to call him a dog, but now she was completely degrading his masculinity by associating him with some pampered primed and puffed excuse of a canine. The growl vibrated so strongly in his chest that even Kagome could feel it because of her close proximity.

"One would assume by your choice of undergarments that it is through men's beds that you find all of your accomplishments," he seethed down at the swaying girl who now was further twining her fingers into his prized mane.

It took Kagome a minute to pull herself from her fantasy of being wrapped naked in this insufferable man's hair, to realize that he had just insulted her virtue, again. "I am a good girl. Just because I don't wear granny panties does not mean that I have slept with a legion of men!" she shouted at the man with the best hair in the world. Silently under her breath she added, "I haven't slept with anyone."

'_Interesting_.' With a cocked brow, the youkai took in his drunken annoyance in a new light. "You expect this Sesshoumaru to believe that you are a prude in lace?"

"I don't expect you to believe anything. You DOG!" She hissed but what she said went completely against what she thought. She wanted to pull on his hair until he was face to face with her and connect her mouth with his kissable lips and maybe bite on his neck for a bit…just a little nip. But that would only make him believe his words to be true and anyhow, she was no loose woman. 'I'll show him.'

Gingerly, she stepped closer, affirmed her stance, given her state of intoxication it wasn't very much, and pulled him closer. "Come Dog-boy. You shall repay me for insulting my character and honor by ensuring none here take advantage of my inebriated state."

Truly, alcohol induced logic left much to be desired. "And you believe this Sesshoumaru to be so honorable that he would not take advantage."

"You already resisted me when I was on fire. It is not like I can get any hotter than that." Spying the waitress with the tray of shots, she snagged two leaving him to pay the bill.

Sesshoumaru watched her double shotgun both and decided that the last thing he wanted to do was play babysitter to his younger half-brother's obnoxious friend. Grabbing her by the arm he led the staggering female to his car.

"Where are we going?" she whined in her slurred voice.

"You are going home," he decreed.

"I don't want to go to the shrine, Poodle-man."

Dear Kami-sama, the prude-in-lace was a shrine maiden. Where the hell had his moronic half-brother found her and why would any self-respecting youkai, even if he was only half, want to associate with a miko.

*****

'_Why oh why did I ever agree to go on a double date with Inuyasha? It is blind date too! Stupid, stupid, Kagome…_' She thought wryly as she put the finishing touches on her outfit for the evening.

Upon hearing the doorbell, she headed toward the front door of her apartment, she had moved away from the shrine some months ago, and opened it.

"You! Oh no. No! I did not sign up to play fetch this evening. I am soooo going to kill Inuyasha. Wait until I get my hands on him, I am going to wring his neck…" she continued, but he just watched her hands in a mock strangle position while she grumbled and paced the doorway.

"Girl, cease this display. Had this Sesshoumaru known this evening would be spent in your company, it would have not taken place. As it stands, we are both expected so get your things and let us be on our way," he commanded.

"I will not go with _you_." She replied.

"I have no qualms with providing you with the proper motivation."

Kagome narrowed her eyes at him and muttered to herself a plan of seeking vengeance against Inuyasha using dental floss, piercing various body parts, and a ceiling fan. Suddenly, her whole demeanor changed and she put on sickly sweet smile and said, "Well, third time is a charm. Besides, what else could possible go wrong?"

Both slightly flinched at her last question, knowing that now she had doomed them to a night that had Murphy's Law written all over it. Two cautious beings preceded to the banquet hall that Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's father's birthday celebration was going to be held. Really, who double dated to their own father's birthday party?

Their entrance at the celebration was unforgettable thanks to a nervous and tipsy hanyou. Inuyasha had managed to commandeer the microphone and he had elected himself emcee for the evening. The pair entered the room, Kagome's arm hooked with Sesshoumaru's, and were introduce.

"Oh look who decided to finally show up. It's none other than my older bro, Sesshoumaru and his date, one of my best friends who unfortunately has to be by his side this evening, Kagome." He continued as he teetered, "I'm really surprised he hasn't managed to run you off, poor girl. Obviously, she don't have nothing better to do because she's still with him or," he said while looking contemplatively, "she has questionable judgment."

Kagome stood aghast at the introduction they received. That boy was as good as dead when she got her hands on him. Looking to the side, she could tell from Sesshoumaru's rigid stance and the gritting of his teeth, he was extremely peeved. Of all the hyperarousal responses, flight was the most prevalent at the moment. She suddenly felt the desperate need to run somewhere and hide, the feeling was suffocating her. She tried to extract her arm from him to flee but a large masculine hand clamped down on her arm. My, his nails were sharp, they could almost be described as claws.

"It is good to see that father's money was not wasted on your education dear _brother_. You can now speak in multiple syllabic words," came Sesshoumaru's cool reply. It was hard to look stoic and unaffected when one had a frantically struggling minx on one's arm.

Kagome no longer necessarily wanted to flee from Sesshoumaru, but the desire to put "Operation Dental Floss" into action was overwhelming. The problem was that her "date" had turned into a statue and trapped her arm in his stone grasp.

Inuyasha, still tipsy and peacocking for his date, was not about to let his brother up stage him. "At least I don't have to tether my date to my side, _bro_. I suggest you put a shorter leash on your bitch or she might just escape your frigid ass." Laughing at his own joke, Inuyasha never paid attention to the aghast reaction of the crowd.

Kagome's face flamed so bright that its color rivaled that of any fire engine. Did her best friend call her a bitch? Well, she might have to endure an evening with dog-boy, but that did not make her a bitch. Before she could think it through, Kagome opened her mouth. "Inuyasha, **SIT BOY!!!**"

Only Sesshoumaru noticed the necklace around Inuyasha's glow slightly before his brother stumbled and did a full-face plant off the mini stage to the floor below. Turning to his date, he found that he no longer had to hold her back from fleeing the scene but he had to restrain her from going after the face planted half-breed.

"Let me at him," she struggled and pulled for all she was worth to get out of unyielding grip that restrained her. "Please, please, just let me go for one second. That's all I need…"

Quirking a brow and completely intrigued by the little firecracker at his side, some part of him _really_ wanted to let her go just to see what she would do to the ill-bred hanyou, especially with her miko powers on the rise, but as it stood she would have to save her revenge for a later time. "Kagome."

Hearing her name come from his mouth struck her as odd so she stopped her forward progression and inclined her head to her date. "Yes…Sesshoumaru?"

"Come. You shall have your revenge on the idiot, this I promise, but not at this moment." As they walked by Inuyasha, unseen to all, Sesshoumaru without breaking his stride kicked the hanyou and continued to lead Kagome to the seats at the table with the guest of honor.

Shortly after they had taken their seats, Inuyasha joined them at the table. He smirked as he met his brother's glare but stopped and became somewhat uncomfortable when his eyes landed on Kagome. There she was glaring with all her might, her form slightly outlined by holy power, and her hands silently promised retribution as her fisted hand twisted into the open palm of the other.

The evening went off without a hitch for the next few hours or so. That is until the pair was approached by this brown-haired, brown-eyed, adorable, darling little child who somehow was wooed to Inuyasha's side, they knew for sure he was behind it, in plotting against them. For the darling little devil girl had somehow convinced both Sesshoumaru and Kagome to give her their hands and at this particular time it didn't help that they had been distracted by Inu no Taisho doing the "Soulja Boy" on the dance floor, ridiculous. All they knew is when the show was over and they turned their attention back to the table, the little girl was gone and their hands had been Super-glued together.

Sesshoumaru felt the need to melt something, oddly enough he wished to melt anything that was not the woman who was bonded to him through the obdurate adhesive. "We are leaving, NOW!" the harsh whisper left no room for argument.

Kagome whimpered, as she was dragged by the tall frame of her date. Then the sound of laughter caught her attention and she whipped her head in the direction it originated. There was Inuyasha, laughing his ass off, while trying to sing the juvenile song of "Sitting in a Tree."

Narrowing her simmering blue eyes, Kagome commanded, "Inuyasha, sit down and shut up."

Again, the necklace that she had given her _ex_-best friend on his last birthday glowed unnoticed by anyone. Murphy turned his attention to the hanyou making sure that the dog-eared boy got his poetic justice. The overly large, overly ornate birthday cake happened to be in between Inuyasha and the floor, so this time his face plant into the ground was cushioned.

Sesshoumaru cast one glance back at his stain of a half-brother when he heard the miko activate the subjugation spell. At least the fool would now have to face the wrath of their sire. The miko was proving to be something more than an appealing figure and scent.

*****

Once you got past Sesshoumaru's rough exterior and his arrogance, he wasn't a bad person to be around. He was intelligent, witty, insightful, and attractive. After the incident at the party, the two had spent the remainder of the evening together trying to detach themselves from one another. They had gone back to Kagome's place because she had already had a pretty good stock of acetone based nail polish remover.

As they sat at her dining room table soaking their bonded hands in nail polish remover, they finally had their first conversation that did not involve insulting one another or an argument and it resulted in the two agreeing to meet up the following day for a lunch date. More lunches and dinners followed their initial date.

They had been seeing one another for approximately a month after that dreadful evening before she saw Inuyasha again. It had taken her that long to calm down and get over the utter humiliation from that one night alone. She had planned to just go over to his place to have a civil discussion with him. Experience should have told her that he would not have the decency to apologize for his crude and uncouth behavior. It should have also told her she would only be further annoyed and angered at the site of him. Needless to say, the meeting was very…..interesting, as well as enlightening.

Inuyasha opened the door to his apartment and at the sight of him, Kagome's anger ignited all over again. It took all she had in her not to throttle him. Taking deep breaths and counting to ten in her head, she proceeded with her speech, "Inuyasha, you owe me and Sesshoumaru an apology. And by the way, he's on his way over here too!"

"What for? I ain't done nothing wrong."

The woman brushed by the beleaguered male and strode purposefully into his home. "Nothing wrong!? You humiliated both me and your brother in front of a room full of individuals, including your own father."

"Keh. I'm not apologizing to anyone," he responded as he slammed the door, walked over to window, and turned to face the irate female standing in middle of his living room.

Uncharacteristic to her nature, she felt a sudden rage come over her. Before Inuyasha could finish his sentence and unknown to Kagome, the front door opened in the midst of her fury. Kagome felt an onslaught of something she couldn't identify while simultaneously seething inwardly.

"You both can kiss my a-" The words died on the hanyou's tongue as he felt the almost forgotten burn of holy power. Wide golden eyes shot to the fuming raven-haired woman, and Inuyasha had to repress the urge to flatten his ears and whimper for forgiveness.

Sesshoumaru had entered the home without the customary knock to announce his presence because honestly, his miscreant of a half-brother deserved no such nicety. What he encountered when entering the common area of the buffoon's apartment was the tingling rush of reiki. His response was so innate that the great dai-youkai could not have stopped it if he had tried; he pushed back with the full weight of his youki.

Kagome stared at the image of her former best friend. There were triangles of top of his head, furry triangles that were twitching. Oh my, he was a dog, not just figuratively but literally. Saying the first thing that came to mind, Kagome shrieked, "No wonder you are such an ass, no one has ever bothered to house train you."

The laughter was not suppressed as Sesshoumaru reveled in how accurately his current bitch, well that wasn't the right name but he would think on her true title later, pinned the hanyou's true problem. The pup had never been corrected in his uncouth ways.

Kagome turned to find the source of the new sound and saw none other than the man with whom she had been becoming increasingly enamored. If he and Inuyasha were blood relation, then that would make him a dog as well, right? Oh, oh, oh, if they had progressed to the se.. sex… sexual stage, would he have demanded that she be on her hands and knees? Shaking her head free of such thoughts, Kagome realized that it might be wise to leave, now. What was the saying? Let sleeping dogs lie.

If only Kagome could have remembered that before her mouth started working again. Staring straight into the amber orbs of her boyfriend, the last statement that anyone expected tumbled from her mouth. "You really are a French Poodle, aren't you?"

As she continued to stare at him and at the onslaught of that indescribable constricting pressure she had felt once before. Something told her to push back and following the order, she did. As she did, the normal image of Sesshoumaru, the one she had been accustomed to seeing, flickered and vanished just as Inuyasha's had. What she beheld was something seemingly more intimidating and powerful, yet it was alluring and definitely more…more…beautiful. As she focused she realized that the strange overbearing pressure had been emanating from him.

Regaining herself and taking in his appearance anew, something called to her to reach out and touch him but she thought better of it. It was weird to her when she thought about it, she hadn't felt overwhelmingly afraid of the image before her but there was definitely a sense of wariness. He had clearly been holding out on her about a big part of himself, he had not been completely honest to her. So what else could he have been hiding? Taking a step back, she looked between the brothers, they both withheld information from her.

Sesshoumaru's and Inuyasha's eyes flitted between the other and the miko taking in her composure, all the while thinking what to make of their newly exposed identities. As they lingered in their perspective places, each became increasingly more apprehensive of the reaction of the girl as she also became more apprehensive of them.

After the ten minute stand still, Sesshoumaru made to go toward Kagome. Seeing this all of the emotion of the situation resurged. "Do not come near me. I don't know what's going on here but it's clear to me that both of you have been less than honest with me." She looked and finally her gaze landed on Sesshoumaru, meeting his amber colored eyes. "When were you going to tell me?" Looking beseechingly into his face, "You weren't going to tell me…."

He motioned toward her once more, "Don't…" She commanded. "I need to be alone," looking back at the pair as she made her way to the door and opened it, "Please don't contact me….either of you." She said then shut the door. Her tone was one of finality, and if any listened hard enough the hint of painful grief could be detected.

*****

Every dog has his day and for Sesshoumaru his had been a long time in the coming. The day when his most prized secret had been revealed to his miko had set their relationship back to practically the Stone Age. However, the stoic youkai had decided that his skittish miko was worth the effort and had pursued her like nothing else he ever had in his long life.

Now nearly a year later, he was ascending the stone staircase of the Sunset Shrine to meet her family for the first time. True, he was not pleased that the meeting would be taking place on hallowed ground, but her family knew nothing of his true origins. Meaning, there was nothing whatsoever to cause worry. He was Sesshoumaru, the great dog that had entire armies cowering in his shadow, there was no way a small family consisting of a grandfather, mother and brother could stand in the way of obtaining his goal.

He felt himself itch within his own skin and refrained from allowing his tongue to loll out and begin panting. It was just a hot day; that was all. At least he did not have to worry about the unsightly human habit of sweating.

Sesshoumaru approached the door and rapped on it three times, no sooner than the third knock ended the door was whipped open their stood who Sesshoumaru assumed was Kagome's younger teenage brother. The boy looked at Sesshoumaru appraising him for a moment before he spoke.

"What do you want?" The young man asked tersely.

"You must be Souta. I am to meet Kagome here. I am Sesshoumaru. I was invited to dinner." He promptly responded.

The boy got an unusual glint in his eyes after processing all the information that the stranger gave him. Without giving any further regard to the man at the door, Souta called over his shoulder, "Grandpa, got another one for you."

Sesshoumaru watched as the boy made a hasty retreat into the home. It was in the silence that Sesshoumaru realized how vulnerable his position was standing in the open door way, he could neither enter nor leave. It was an odd feeling in his stomach that had grown to epic proportions that he noticed the hobbled old man making his way down the hallway. When the grey-haired man was at the door, Sesshoumaru bowed to show proper respect.

Unfortunately, proper respect was not something that the stoic inu-youkai was going to find in the Sunset Shrine. The old man looked at him up and down, stopping every so often to scrutinize his appearance. He 'hmm-ed' at him for a second then reached his hand around his back and without another moment's notice plastered Sesshoumaru's face with a sutra.

Kagome, having heard some commotion from the door and having had a pretty good idea of her grandfather's antics, raced toward the door.

"Kagome, stand back! Get away from my door, Demon!! You will **NOT** gain entrance into this residence today!" He said, another sutra came forth for an added measure of security.

"No Grandpa!" She said while pulling the old man away from the door. "This is my boyfriend, Sesshoumaru. He's here for dinner." She said trying to placate the man.

Sesshoumaru had just been on the receiving end of one of the greatest insults he had ever been presented with and it took all of his will power to maintain some semblance of control and not rip the old man's head from his body. Looking into Kagome's eyes gave him the resolve he needed, he could not and would not hurt her. He would endure a lifetime of humiliation and insult for her. From his perspective, to endure such a fate was an easy and light burden to bear just to be able to be with her and to keep her happy.

Kagome smiled apologetically at her boyfriend while trying to delicately pull the sutra from his face. She couldn't stop the laugh as she was oddly reminded of the super glue incident. In the background Kagome's mother was dragging her son around by his ear while admonishing her father-in-law for attacking an honored guest.

Once things had settled, the middle-aged woman moved to bow humbly before the silver-haired man. "Please accept my humblest apologies for my son and father-in-law's behavior, there is no excuse. I am much honored to welcome Kagome's boyfriend into my home."

One brow rose while the youkai listened to the old man's hushed ramblings about how the younger generation had no respect for their elders and the sins of allowing youkai into a shrine. Yet, what disgruntled the normally implacable male the most was the title that he had been given by both his female and her mother. That would not do.

"I accept your apology and welcome on one condition," he stared into the eyes of the only sane resident, for his female was still crackling up a storm, "that you understand that I am not Kagome's boyfriend but her fiancé."

*******

Sesshoumaru looked at his watch and noted the time, "That will be all for the night. It is time for you two to rest." He subtly ordered his children. He tousled each of their heads as Kagome tucked them in.

The pair began to exit the room, Sesshoumaru leading the way, when Kagome was stopped by another question, "Mom? Dad was really mean to you at first, what changed and made you like him again?"

Looking thoughtfully before she answered, she said, "In the end…once I understood your father was incapable of asking a question, his arrogance became a lot less offensive." Kagome turned and walked out of the room, stopping only to give her love a quick peck on his seemingly tight lips.

*

AN: Thank you for taking the time to read! If you have time, please leave a review, all reviews are welcomed!


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